Operation: Prom Wammy?
by StrawberriBlood
Summary: Wammy's House is going to host their first-ever super prom. Mello, Matt and Near are going to crash it. Why? Because Mello's secretly an online prostitute, Matt is made of sexy, and Near is...fluffy...T for Humor/Fluff/Crack.
1. Mayhem? Deebs? WTF?

Wammy's House is about to host a prom…what exactly is in store for our favorite prodigies?  
**Starring: Mello, Matt, and Near**  
Rated T for cursing, catty humor, and CRACK.  
(Pure crack: To be consumed in large doses.)

**Countdown to Prom:**  
_4 weeks—1 day—6 hours—5 minutes—0.9854 seconds_

..:o0O0o:..

"..The hell is this supposed to be?" asked Mello, gesturing with his free hand towards a poster taped to the announcement board. His other hand was busy shoving a chocolate bar down his pants.

Get your mind out of the gutters. He was putting it in his pocket for later.

Roger sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Normally, he wouldn't have condoned profanity from the children—but in Mello's case there was no point in trying.

""The Student Representatives persuaded us to hold a social get-together at the end of the school term."

"A prom? Who the hell wants a prom at _Wammy's_? Do you have any idea how much this is going to suck?" complained Mello.

Before Roger could begin, Mello continued.

"And who the hell '_persuaded' _you to do this in the first place? God, I'll bet it was Linda…" and without further ado, he began marching down the hall to his room, where he was no doubt already plotting a way to crash the party at the end of the month.

Sighing and craving Advil, Roger made his way back to his own room to rethink his life.

..:o0O0o:..

"—ucking stupid?"

Matt looked up from his Nintendo DS. He had been successfully tuning out Mello's complaining about whatever was pissing him off that day_,_ and his senses automatically perked up when a he heard a question directed towards him.

"Uh, what?"

Mello huffed.

"Dammit, Matt! I said, 'don't you think this whole prom idea is fucking stupid?'" he took a chocolate bar out of his pocket and tore off the wrapper.

Matt went back to his game and answered "uh, yeah, sure."

This was a satisfactory reply for Mello, and he continued ranting. He was stomping back and forth across the room as he bitched—waving his arms around and audibly snapping pieces off of his chocolate. This continued for several minutes, until he finally realized that Matt wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention.

The next thing Matt knew, his DS was in pieces and Mello's face was an inch from his own.

"You whore!" yelled Matt. That was the third DS this month.

Mello's eyes narrowed.

"Just pay attention! We're going to wreck that joke-of-a-prom and get back at Linda!" he sneered and shoved the remnants of the game into Matt's arms.

He backed off and put his hands on his hips.

'_God, sometimes I swear that guy is a chick…'_

"But why? What if it turns out to be kind of fun?"

"'But…but why?'?? Are you serious?! It's going to be a disaster. This freak house doesn't need something like a prom to make it even more pathetic than it already is," Mello insisted, crossing his arms.

Matt sighed. He knew he would end up helping Mello out anyways; he always did. And, Matt could see perfectly that the only reason Mello didn't want a prom was because he didn't want to go by himself and look like a loser.  
Ah well. That was Mello for you…

Gathering the sad pieces of his beloved Nintendo, he said, "Alright. What's the plan?"

..:o0O0o:..

Adjusting his goggles, Matt prepared himself to carry out mission one: bugging Linda's room.

He stealthily dodged back and forth between the walls of the hallway to make sure he wasn't being followed (there was no one in the house, of course; it was recess) as he made his way to her room.

After easily picking the lock to the room he shrugged a small black bag off of his back and began to remove from it a variety of very techy-looking spy stuff. There were camera lenses, wires, microphones; all sorts of things that most normal thirteen-year-olds don't have a clue about how to work.  
However, that type of thing was Matt's specialty—it was what made him stand out amongst the sea of genius students.

He selected a single camera and a microphone. They were both smaller than his pinky nail, and he had plenty of experience over the years using them and placing them in just the right locations in a room.

The camera ended up being attached to a window curtain right across from the door. He attached the microphone to the underside of a lampshade on Linda's bedside table. After thoroughly examining the room to make sure the two bugs couldn't be seen (unless you were really looking or knew where they were) he wiped his hands and nodded at his job well done.

Although, he still wasn't entirely sure why Mello had wanted to spy on Linda. Mello had insisted it was because they needed to get some dirt on her, but Matt figured it was just because Mello was a bored pervert. Or he wanted to secretly obtain Linda's fashionista secrets.

Eh. Matt didn't really want know and he didn't really care.

Taking one last glance around the room, he threw the bag back over his shoulder and turned towards the door.

As he reached for the knob, the door swung open, hitting him directly in the forehead. He fell backwards with a loud _thump,_ closely followed by an even louder, "SON OF A—". Matt then looked up to see a confused and angry-looking Linda, mouth agape.

"Aw, shit."

..:o0O0o:..

Mello leaned against the side of the building, chocolate bar in hand. He was keeping an eye on Linda to make sure she stayed outside while Matt was planting the stuff in her room.

She was standing by her best friend, Mayhem (seriously, did Wammy's have a thing for 'M' names or what?). The two appeared to be gossiping about something. One would lean close to the other and whisper something behind the back of her hand, while the other's eyes would widen and a playful grin would appear.

Mello rolled his eyes. Girls were so weird. He might have been mistaken for one himself by nearly every person he came into contact with, but he consoled himself with the reasoning that he _never _acted like them.

"Heyy baby. I'm new here and I'm really digging the way you strut your stuff. How's about you and me gettin' together sometime soon, sweet thang?"

Christ.

Not again.

"GOD DAMMIT HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU DIP SHITS THAT I'M A FUCKING GUY?!?" Mello yelled as he turned to face a gigantic, hulking mass of…person? Was that massive thing in front of him really _human_??

"The name's Deebs," he smiled in a way that he must have thought seductive, and wiggled his eyebrows. Mello wanted to puke. Then scoop the remains into a paper bag, and proceed to shove the bag down this twit's throat.

"Seriously, I'm a DUDE. Just back off homo," Mello turned back around to keep an eye on Linda.

She and Mayhem were gone.

"CRAP NUGGETS!"

He began to bolt towards the double doors that led inside, but was rooted to the spot by an iron grip on his shoulder.

"Aw, come on doll. Don't be that way. Lemme take you back to my room…I'll show you a good time," Deebs began dragging Mello backwards into the other entrance to the school.

Or in this case, to his doom.

"NOOOO!!! YOU WHOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!"

..:o0O0o:..

Matt sat in silence in the nurse's office. He held the ice pack over his right eye, which was probably already black. His forehead was still bleeding a little, but other than that, he was fine.

'_Thank God Mello's not here.'_

Matt didn't know what he'd do if Mello caught sight of him now. He'd probably yell at him then hit Matt himself, followed by more yelling.

**-!!!FLASHBACK!!!-**

"Aw, shit."

"Matt? What are you doing in my room?!" asked Linda, her face beginning to glow red.

Pushing himself up into a sitting position, Matt rubbed his forehead.

"Ouch…man, that hurt…" he muttered, then looked up at Linda again and reassessed the situation.

"Oh yeah."

He jumped up and tried to dash out of the door, but was pushed back down onto the ground. Mayhem was suddenly standing beside Linda, blocking all possible exists.

Mayhem was the top student in self-defense. Her knowledge of the human anatomy (pressure points and vulnerable spots—get your mind out of the gutter!) was absolutely deadly when combined with her physical abilities.

Matt was in trouble.

And so he was. Mayhem grabbed him by his jacket collar and yanked him up so that his face was only inches from hers.

"Get. Out. NOW." Her icy voice echoed deep into the pits of Matt's soul (seriously, her voice could do that…she was psychotic).

Before Matt had a chance to slide past her, she pulled his goggles away from his face and let them go, hitting his face with a satisfying SMACK.

**-!!!END FLASHBACK!!!-**

Matt sighed and took out the red Gameboy SP from his bag. Placing the ice pack beside him on the cot, he began a round of Sonic Battle. He was going to stall as long as he could; there was no way he was going to explain what happened in Linda's room to Mello any time soon.

After a few minutes, he heard the handle on the door begin to turn. He quickly shut his game and threw the ice pack over his eye.

Big mistake.

"GAH!!!"

Matt blinked his now throbbing eye several times just as a figure appeared in the doorway.

A very short figure.

A very pale figure.

A very sheep-y figure.

..:o0O0o:..


	2. Albinos are people too

Aww! To all of the alerts, favorites, and reviews:  
YOU MAKE MY INSIDES FEEL LIKE A TEDDY BEAR IN A DRYER.  
For reals. And don't you forget it either.

Now added with Near-ific awesomeness! (Near-ific: from My Sublunary Soul's _Gimme Mah Chocolate, Foo!_. Check it out)  
**Always keep your albino indoors.**

..:o0O0o:..

"Three thousand five hundred sixty-eight…three thousand five hundred sixty-nine…"

CRASH.

"…"

Near's perfectly constructed city of dominoes was in ruins. The entire playroom was flooded with the rectangles, but Near managed to emerge unharmed.

Poking his head out of the heap of dominoes, he proceeded to wade his way through the mass of toys to the door. Apparently someone was bustling about the hallway outside the room making so much noise they had ruined his precious concentration. Although, this did not exactly bother Near. He could really care less about the towers of toys, but he was pissed that someone was clueless enough to mess them up.

He slowly and carefully opened his door, but dominoes spilled out into the hallway nonetheless. It made quite a racket, but the other person in the hallway didn't seem to notice. The other person Near recognized immediately by the orange goggles and red hair: Matt—a.k.a., Mello's bitch.

Poking his head all the way out of the doorway, Near watched in silent amusement as Matt dodged from door-to-door; back and forth across the hallway while humming the _Mission Impossible_ theme music. The boy was obviously trying to sneak around, but failed to realize that there was someone standing just a few doors down from him.

Near had emerged completely from his playroom, and was standing in the middle of the hallway, not making a sound, but trying to provoke the boy to notice him.

Nope.

The boy was truly clueless.

Near watched him take one last glance behind him and enter the room at the end of the hall; Linda and Mayhem's.

Apparently, he was suicidal as well.

Whatever he was doing was probably against the rules (quite possibly even the law) and he would definitely be murdered by Mayhem if the two girls found out.

Shrugging, Near began to shuffle down the hallway to the doors leading outside.

He had nothing better to do, and a murder might be entertaining.

..:o0O0o:..

"Oh my gosh! Near! You're outside?!"

"Near's outside?"

"Whoa…talk about bright…"

"I'M BLINDED!!!"

"HIS ALBINO-NESS IT TOO MUCH TO BEAR!!!"

Ignoring the cries of the other children, Near continued to shuffle his way across the playground to where Linda and Mayhem were talking.

Linda jumped slightly when she noticed Near had silently appeared beside her.

"Oh! Oh, Hi, Near!" she held her hand up to her eyes to try to block some of the bright white rays that were reflecting off of Near's frame.

"Hello, Linda. Hello, Mayhem." He nodded in each of their directions. "I think you should know that Matt has just entered your room. I'm not sure why, but I believe his motives are not that of civility."

The two girls looked at him.

Mentally rolling his eyes, he cleared his throat.

"Matt's in your room goin' through all your shit."

"How rude! C'mon May!" Linda grabbed Near's arm and began dragging him along with her while she stomped off the playground.

'_Wait! She's not supposed to drag me around like this! I think I miscalculated...'_

Just as the three were barging through the doors that lead inside the school, Near heard a stream of loud cursing from the far side of the building that he could identify immediately. Smirking, he thought that what Matt was about to go through was nothing compared to whatever Mello was suffering.

..:o0O0o:..

Once they got to the room, Near managed to pull away from Linda.

He might've wanted Matt to get caught in the first place, but Near didn't want him to find out that he was the one who went and told Linda and Mayhem.

Despite his awkward appearance, Near was very fast.

And boy, did he book it. Down the hallway in a flash—just in time to glance over his shoulder to see a really pissed-off Mayhem hauling a petrified-looking Matt into the air.

He stifled a laugh and kept running.

..:o0O0o:..

**Sorry for the really lame short chapter.**

Longer one will be up soon. Probably tomorrow. Because I care.

**P.S. I got cookies for raping Mello.** What have YOU accomplished in life?? Hahahaa…


	3. Greek is pretty bitchin'

Something else for y'all to enjoy. Or hate. I don't care either way.  
**Remember: Every time you review a story, Mello and Matt have hot gay sex. So please, readers, do it for the Fangirls.**

..:o0O0o:..

"Hello, Matt. How are you feeling?"

Matt raised his eyebrow and set the icepack back down.

"Uh…OK I guess. Thanks,"

Near quietly took a seat on a cot across from Matt. Matt had no idea what was going on. Near never really talked to anyone, let alone Matt.  
He never really talked to Mello either, but Matt thought it was just because he didn't want to upset him.

Or he thought he was superior and Mello was below him but, whatever. Below him…ew!  
Matt mentally slapped himself for thinking that. Besides, Matt was a hundred percent positive that Mello would be seme. It just wouldn't work out any other way. But then again…he knew Mello was a big softie deep down, and maybe Near was really wild...?

Matt didn't really care. He had read plenty of MelloxNear doujinshi online and knew it was all bullshit.

Crazy-ass Fangirls.

"So…"

"So?"

"…"

The silence was awkward and Matt didn't like it. He didn't want to leave the room however; because he knew the sooner he left, the sooner Mello found out about the bust.

"So…why are you in here?"

Near's face remained expressionless.

"For the same reason, you are, I suppose. I have received an injury. Is this not the nurse's office?"

Matt noticed a large bump on Near's head. He guessed he was so surprised from seeing Near out of his playroom, he didn't really think about it.

"Oh yeah. So…what happened?" he attempted to start up a conversation.

"I ran into a student."

Matt opened his mouth but stopped.

Near was running?? Whoa. That was weird…

"Who was it?"

"A fairly new resident. I believe his name is…Deebs? Something along those lines. He is very large in mass…" Near suddenly gave a shudder and shook his head.

Placing a finger in his hair, he began to idly twirl a lock a strand of hair. Matt realized there was really nothing else to talk about, so he just took out his game again and started back up. After what seemed to be at least ten minutes, Near spoke up.

"Matt?"

"Hmm?" answered Matt, not looking up from his game.

"If you're not going to use that ice pack…"

"Oh yeah. Here," he tossed the ice pack across the small space between the two cots.

Matt, whose hand-eye-coordination skill was unmatched by anyone, didn't even think twice about lobbing the object to someone like Near. And unfortunately, Near's arms didn't move as quickly as his brain. The ice pack hit him squarely in -the face, followed by a high-pitched yelp.

"Oh, monkey balls…" And with that, Matt, jumped up, grabbed his game and bolted out the door.

He managed to call out one more thing before he burst out the door.

"Heads up!"

..:o0O0o:..

It would take years of therapy to erase what Mello had just experienced.

And that was all that could be said about it.

Except for that Mello had no idea it was possible to play Twister with your pants around your ankles.

It was.

Mello had finally managed to get out his gun and threaten that hulk of an orphan to let him go, but the opportunity was a bit too late (if you catch my drift).

Stiffly, Mello managed to make his way back to his room. He began to sit down on the edge of the bed, only to shoot right up again.

The door opened and Matt walked in.

His eyes widened a bit behind the orange-tinted goggles, but he coolly asked, "So, what's up with you?"

"Well, aside from the fact that I'm probably scarred for life, I'm someone's bitch, and my ass feels like a pin cushion, I'm great. What about you, Matt?!" he started out normally, but his voice began to rise with each word and by the time he was finished he had been shouting.

"O…K…." he walked over to the bed opposite of Mello's and sat down, taking out his new red DS. Focusing on the screen intently, he started playing.

Mello tapped his foot a few times. He sighed loudly. He cleared his throat.

Then he got pissed.

"MATT!!!"

Keeping his eyes glued to the screen, Matt answered, "Hmm?"

"Did you get the stuff in Linda's room or what?!"

"Oh, that. Yeah."

Mello turned his head slightly and his shoulders dropped.

"Oh. Ok. Well that's good."

"Yep."

"…"

Mello couldn't stand it when people didn't pay attention to him. But before he could pull out his gun and start waving it around, there was a soft knock on the door.

"Matt. Get the door."

No reply.

"_Matt. Get the door._"

Only the tapping of the game controls.

"MATT! YOU LAZY ASS BITCH! GET THE DOOR!"

There was another knock at the door, this one softer, as if the person had heard Mello and was thinking twice about wanting to enter his room.

Fuming, Mello went to answer the door, hitting Matt on the head in the process.

"What the hell do you—" he was cut short as he saw the figure standing behind the door.

"Eww it's just you. What do you want?"

Near began, "Good evening, Mello. I was just hoping that I could stop by your room and inquire as to how you were doing—"

"I'm damn great! Look at me! Do I _not _look amazing??"

"Well earlier I saw that you were yelling at the new resident here and I was just hoping that no problems arose—"

"None at all! I'm great! Now get the fu—" he was cut off as Near slid past him into the room.

"—get the fuck out of my room, you cream puff! The hell do you think you're doing?!"

Near had successfully hidden behind Matt, who still had not looked up from his game.

"Huh? Who was it?" he turned to see the little sheep-boy cowering behind him.

"Oh. Hey, Near."

Mello banged his head against the wall a few times.

After the room stopped spinning, he blinked several times and shook his head as he focused on Near.

"So what do you want, cream puff?"

Stepping out from behind Matt (that could be interpreted sooo many different ways…), the pale prodigy answered in his annoyingly high-pitched monotone:

"I want to assist you in 'crashing' the upcoming prom."

Matt and Mello both stared at him, mouths hanging open and eyes wide. They glanced back at each other after a few moments.

"Holy shit, dude."

..:o0O0o:..

Linda and Mayhem were discussing matters completely unrelated to the plot when they heard a knock on their door. Linda got up and answered it, greeted by a small, cream puff-like child.

"Near? What's up?" she asked. It would be time for lights-out soon and it wasn't often that Near left his room this late.

"I, well, err, was hoping that you would…uh, allow me to socialize with you for a while," he nervously twirled a lock of hair around his finger. Why did _he_ have to be the one to do this? Mello had said it was just because Linda was 'friends' with Near already, and she hated Matt and himself.

That was true, but still, what did this have to do with anything? Why did Mello feel that installing microphones and cameras in Linda and Mayhem's room would help to crash the prom? Near estimated that there was at least a seventy-five point three percent chance that Mello was just a pervert, but Near also added the factor of Mello's questionable sexuality, and the chance of Mello being a peeping-tom was lowered drastically to only forty-two point one. Matt might've been the real culprit, but Near knew just as well as anyone else in the orphanage that Matt only did what Mello wanted him to do. He was a good kid, but he had the attention span of a gnat.

So back to the point; Near had been assigned on a 'super mega mission' that would allow them to dig up some dirt on the two unsuspecting girls that could be used to ruin the prom at the end of the month.

**-!!!FLASHBACK!!!-**

Mello was chewing his chocolate with such ferocity; he made it look like hard labor. Matt was busy killing zombies while Near was remembering he was only doing this because he was bored. They were all waiting on chocoholic to come up with the next step in his brilliant plan (Near had tried to volunteer some ideas that probably would've worked out perfectly, but Mello threatened to shoot him if he didn't respect his authoritah!!).

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Mello launched himself into a plan involving a certain albino, mad tech skills, and a yaoi fetish. Listening intently, Near and Matt shrugged and agreed. They didn't feel like getting yelled at for 'free-thinking', as Mello referred to it as.

"Near, since those two think you're so adorable and fluffy you get to be the bait."

"Bait?"

"Yeah. You just have to get into their room, and make them say or do something really stupid. We've got cameras in there, so we'll be able to catch it all!" He stopped for a second and tapped his chin.

"Oh, I know! We'll call this whole escapade: Operation: Prom Wammy! Pretty effin' catchy, huh?" Mello nodded his head wildly, seeking approval.

Near remained emotionless.

"Sure, why not." And he left the room to get his job out of the way.

"Hey, what do I get to do?" Matt whined.

"You just get to sit there and be sexy."

"HUZAH!"

"…What the hell did you just say?"

"I dunno. I think it means like, fuck yeah in Greek or something."

"…"

..:o0O0o:..


	4. Asian mayo pr0n

Aaaand wa-la! Another full-of-fail chappy for you to eat. I mean read. Yeah...  
Sorry for the weird mood.  
Also sorry for the delay. I had expected this to be up by last week, but alas, things don't always work out that way.

Ah well.

**Life's a bitch.**

..:o0O0o:..

_**Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…**_

..:o0O0o:..

"Ryuuzaki, I have to use the bathroom."

"I'm sorry, Light. Right now there is work to be done."

Light's face grew red. What could you expect? The poor guy was chained to a nonchalant insomniac who only let him take a piss every seven hours.

"I know that, Ryuuzaki; but I believe I would be able to get more finished if I didn't have to—"

"Kira would try to get out of his duties so that he may murder more criminals while he is alone. Suspicion has risen by 3%, Light Yagami."

"…"

L continued to stare ahead at the bright computer monitors in front of him. Light just stood still, trying to control himself from shaking with anger…and fearing that if he moved he would ultimately give in and pee.

A few moments passed, but to Light they felt like an eternity. The clock was stuck…it had to be. There was no other explanation. And L was just chewing on his thumbnail in slow motion. Right. That was totally logical.

Not wanting to increase L's suspicion of him any more than necessary, Light did a kind of shuffle-hop back over to his chair and—keeping his legs shut tightly together—slowly edged his bottom into the chair.

Today was going to suck.

..:o0O0o:..

"ZOMGNEARYOURSOSOFTANDFLUFFYANDCUTEANDADORABLE!!!!1!111ELEVEN1!"

"Nngh…" was all that Near could manage as his cheeks were being pinched and his hair was being pulled. Near never thought of himself as any of these things—ever—but to the two teenage girls he apparently was.

"HOLYBUNSNEARYOUARELIEKASOFTSQUISHYLITTLESHEEPYCREAMPUFF!!!!!1!!!!1ASDHFKJA!!1!"

"GAH!!" the white-haired prodigy let out a strangled cry as he was pulled directly into the young and still-developing chest of Linda. Having never been this close to a girl before (or any human for that matter) he had no control over what he did next. Or so he says.

Supposedly, his hands 'automatically' grabbed her chest on their own accord, but that remains to be seen. Whatever the reason, upon feeling her personal space being violated, Linda squealed and slapped Near hard across the face.

That little puff ball flew across the room and was slammed against the window. He hadn't even sat up when Mayhem began to advance towards him (wait, what had he done to _her_??). Desperately trying to get up, he clung to the bright pink curtain and attempted to pull himself up. All he managed to do was cause the curtain rod to fall down and hit him on the head; hard.

Linda and Mayhem glanced at each other as Near successfully tangled himself up in the pink curtain as he struggled to stand. Stumbling about, Near managed to trip over the curtain that had wrapped itself around his body. In mid-fall, his hands reached out in a desperate attempt to grab something for balance.

Unfortunately, Linda's boobs just didn't do the job, and Near came crashing down.

"AHHH!! NEAR!!! YOU_ ARE_ PERVERT!!" Linda screeched as she began to kick the pink and white bundle on the floor.

Squealing and squirming, Near tried to stand but failed many times. The curtain provided some protection from Linda's, but not much. Near was just thankful that he hadn't groped Mayhem…wait, wait, wait! He hadn't 'groped' Linda! It was an accident! Right?

'_Wait, what am I arguing about? Obviously, it was a mistake anyone could have made. It is illogical for me to even think that I would __want__ to touch the breast of—'_

"GAAAH!!"

Linda had landed a sharp quick square to the groin.

Yeah.

Eyes bulging, cheeks flushing, knees collapsing, Near, the pink and white bundle, stopped struggling immediately and lay still. Linda and Mayhem shot each other a worried look, but both stifled a laugh as he curled up on the floor, his hands shoved between his legs.

After a minute of deep, labored breathing, Near forced the nausea in the pit of his stomach down and he warily brought one of his hands up. This was more difficult than you would think, considering he was still entangled in the shockingly pink window curtain.

With one hand still in the crevice of his legs and his head tucked down to his chest, Near grabbed the air around him desperately for a surface with which he could hoist himself up. The bedside table seemed a good choice, but as his arm was wildly flailing about in the air, his hand managed to grab a hold of the bedside lamp, not the edge of the table.

As I assume you can imagine; when Near tried to pull himself up, he instead brought the lamp smashing down onto his head. Stars and spots ensued, as well as a burn from the (gasp!) hot light bulb. Yes, the light bulb was actually hot. INO RITE?!

In the midst of being really ticked off with him, Linda and Mayhem both gasped and shouted: "Are you alright?!" at the same time. They walked across the room to where the unconscious little fluff ball lay, and they both gasped. Again.

Lots of gasping.

Were they gasping at his adorable little probably-almost-dead appearance?

No.

Where they gasping at the single tiny microphone lying amongst the shattered and cracked remains of the lamp?

Probably.

..:o0O0o:..

_**Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…(just kidding, it's down the hall)**_

..:o0O0o:..

Mello and Matt sat opposite each other on their beds. Each had his lap top propped in his lap, while routinely ignoring the other. This was their 'study time'. Translation: Matt was playing World of Warcraft while Mello was looking up Asian pr0n.

It had been almost an hour since they had sent Near off to Linda's room, so naturally they had already both forgotten about 'Operation: Prom Wammy'.

Apparently even if your IQ is over 150 you're still liable to be diagnosed with ADD.

Ha.

So, as you can imagine, upon hearing a loud yelling and a crash coming from the hallway outside their room, the two immediately exited the screens that currently appeared on their computers and pulled up the camera monitor program. Both blinked in confusion as each of their respective computer screens showed nothing but white.

White?

"Yo, Matt! The hell's wrong with the camera? I thought this was state-of-the-art stuff you got," Mello scowled.

Adjusting his headset and clicking open another program, Matt shrugged.

Mello frowned, but went back to 'SUPER HOT: Two Guys Open Jar of Mayonnaise with Their Tongues'.

No one said he was looking at chicks…

..:o0O0o:..

_**Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…**_

..:o0O0o:..

That was it.

He was about to explode.

And it would be all L's fault.

Then suddenly, without warning, Light shot out of his chair—approximately three and a half feet high in the air—and ran faster than the speed of light (haha…speed of light…Light….hahaahahahahaa) to the elevator. Unfortunately for him, the closest bathroom was three floors below. And he also happened to be chained to a reclusive, sugar-obsessed detective who was under the suspicion that Light was Kira.

Yay.

L, as hard as this may seem to picture, was not exactly happy at being just yanked by the wrist out of his thinking position. And he had just gotten to the tootsie roll center of a red tootsie pop.

Did he ever finish his lollipop?

The world may never know.

But what we do know is that Light somehow managed to make it to the bathroom after almost taking a leak in the middle of the elevator. And L realized that when full-grown men say that they need to go, they honestly mean it.

Once Light and L were resituated back in the investigation room, L went back to his regular task of crouching within two inches of no less than fifteen computer screens, while Light sat a few feet away from him tapping away on his own computer.

After a few more monotonous hours, Watari walked in bringing with him two slices of fresh strawberry shortcake as well as two cups of black coffee.

"Thank you, Watari," said L, graciously taking the cake.

"Ryuuzaki, I have just received a call from the orphanage requesting if you could make your quarterly visit a month in advance."

L took a bite of his cake and furrowed his brow.

"You mean the end of this month rather than the next?"

Watari nodded.

L glanced at Light and shrugged.

"I suppose. Light, prepare for a trip to hell."

..:o0O0o:..

"Hey, Linda,"

Linda brushed off her hands and adjusted the blankets that were wrapped around Near's pale frame. A short while after the albino had fainted, the girls had switched the hidden microphone off and had tucked the cream puff into the frilly pinkness of their bed.

"Yeah, May?"

"Wanna screw with Matt and Mello's heads?"

Linda grinned somewhat evily.

"Love to!"

..:o0O0o:..

I really hope you enjoyed this update. I really liked working on this one.  
Enjoy! And review, if you wish. It would definitely brighten up my gloomy day.

_**And to all of you fellow Americans…Happy Late Thanksgiving! Hope y'all aren't in a turkey coma right now. If so, get better.**_

_**Much love,**_

_**~StrawberriBlood**_


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